Tell a Partner about Childhood Abuse?

Tell a Partner about Childhood Abuse?


I am a 19 year old female. About 6 months ago, I became involved in my first relationship (of sorts). It was with a guy that I had been friends with for a few months before we got together. He made it clear from the beginning that he didn't want a relationship because he didn't feel that he had the time to devote to one.

Even though he said he didn't want a relationship his actions were not the actions of someone just looking for a hookup. He would call or text me every other day just to talk. When I was with him he would hold my hand, kiss my forehead, he would ask me to stay with him just because he didn't want to sleep alone.

About 2 weeks in, I told him that I didn't feel that I was emotionally ready for sex (I'm still a virgin) and that I'm planning on waiting until I'm married. I also made it clear (multiple times) that if this was all he wanted from me, he would have to just find another girl.

He said that it wasn't all that mattered to him and that he was fine with it, even going as far as to tell me that he was proud of me.

Things progressed nicely for about 5 months and then they got rocky. He started doing drugs again due to the reappearance of an old friend and enabler. He became aggressive and accusatory (starting to push me to have sex with him, accusing me of being too clingy, etc.). I told him I just couldn't have sex with him because I didn't trust him enough yet, I could tell this hurt him a lot. We haven't spoken since then (which was a few weeks ago).

The reason I was so closed off and unable to trust him is because I was physically and emotionally abused by my caretaker as a child. My question is should I tell him? We were good friends before our last fight and I feel bad for being dishonest with him. I also feel that it would clear a lot of things up and to help him understand my actions and decision making. I've tried to find information on the internet but most questions center around disclosing past sexual abuse, which was not the kind I suffered from.

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Apr 07, 2010
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Tell Him the Truth
by: Samantha Murray

I think you should tell him the truth. He would understand a lot better about how you want to wait.

If he starts getting worse about pushing you into having sex with him, or being too clingy, or other problems start to happen,
then you might want to get out of that relationship before stuff starts to happen.

I'm not trying to say to break up with him or anything but you never know what could happen.

But tell him the truth about why you want to wait. I am proud that you're waiting, not many girls do these days and guys take advantage of that.

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