Tough Love
by Kate
I became pretty good friends with this girl (Marie) over the course of 7th grade, and I also became okay friends with the boy (James)...until one day, I realized I actually had feelings for him. Since I'm not one to tell my love, I kept it to myself. Come to find out, Marie had fallen head-over heels for James during HER 7th grade year, and they were currently dating. I felt a little upset, but thought it wouldn't last long; they were only friends. Marie became my best friend and I loved James even more. They were still dating. I eventually told Marie that I had feelings for James, and she understood completely, and persuaded me to tell him...while they were still dating. Hint: never tell a taken guy your feelings for him. I told him and he understood. But I regretted it. Why? I'm not quite sure. I wanted James and our friendship back, and it was awkward sitting next to each other. I would text him after school, and we would talk for about an hour or so. I liked those talks. I liked everything about him. To me, he was perfect. And I guessed that was how love works; seeing the imperfections perfectly. But I still regretted it. So I took it back. I said I was over him. I knew I wasn't. He thought I still did, which drove me nuts, to be honest. I tried and tried again to persuade him. To this day, I don't think he believes that I'm over him. One day, I decided I really WAS over him, and told my friends that. They were convinced. I wasn't. No matter how hard I tried I knew that deep down, I was in love. It was hard seeing my best friend date him. It was hard hearing about their relationship day after day. It was hard knowing that it would never happen, because they were so serious together. It was hard hearing about their problems, when I couldn't voice mine. I cried every night, not knowing what to do. The person I could go to for anything, I couldn't for this. She was the only one that knew I liked him. But she had no idea I loved him. I tried going to her, telling her how I felt, asking for help from her. She had gone through a similar experience. I guess you could say she wasn't the greatest friend...she wanted nothing to do with the fact that I had feelings for her boyfriend. I don't exactly blame her...but she always told me she was there for me. She was like my sister. She would practically yell at me to go to an adult for help because she couldn't. I could never believe that when she said it because I knew that if she was in my position and I was in hers, I would help her through in a heartbeat, and not leave her in a hole without an escape. I decided to keep a journal of all of my feelings toward him to see if it would help me sort some things out. Turns out, I wrote an entire 70 page notebook in about 6 months. It didn't help a whole lot...so many thought at once, it was hard to get them all down on paper. Music helped...music was my everything. So here we are, a year later, and Marie and James are happy as could be, STILL dating. I still love him. I still can't talk to my best friend about it, so a lot of times it's bottled up. I still can't stop thinking about him. I still get butterflies when I see him. I still miss him more than I ever thought I could miss someone. I guess you could say my heart's broken, but that's not such a bad thing. I found out that when you have a broken heart, you can feel it there for you are feeling love, which is a wonderful feeling. It's a feeling that's like that missing piece, isn't so missing anymore. Love can also make you optimistic. Love can help you discover your true friends. Yeah, love can hurt. Yeah, love can make you feel things that maybe you don't wanna feel. Just take it one step at a time. Especially if no one's there when you expect them to be. I know I will. |