Waiting for My Love
I'm in a very tough situation where I love a woman and want to be with her ... marry her eventually etc. I know she feels the same way. I have asked her to marry me in the past and she said yes.
Unfortunately, I haven't been able to see her in 4 months and won't be able to see her for another 11 months, possibly even more. Even worse, I can't talk to her either.
Every other day seems like a test, missing her, wanting her, needing her, feeling like if only I could be with her, this would fix all my problems (though I know this is not realistic).
Some days, I'm full of spirit, thinking I can wait, other days, I am scared that somewhere along the line she will find someone else, just due to the fact I can't be with her. That she'll forget what our relationship means and feels like. I can't stand that feeling, especially since I have sacrificed so much and risked so much in the past year and a half for her, including losing a prestigous job, my reputation, and more.
We both know what we have risked so we could be together, and the last time I talked to her, we both agreed we would wait for each other no matter what, and that we deserve that chance to be together.
I've promised her the world and want to give it to her. Uggh. I could go on but that's a brief of this situation.
How in the world can I make this any easier or live in an emotionally healthy way, yet still continue to keep her in my heart? It's very hard because we both live in a small town. Still it helps to know that we both are sleeping under the same sky, feeling the same weather, hearing the same train ... Knowing that your other half is so close, barely a few miles away, yet at the same time distant, is tough. We live in the same place, but don't have the ability to communicate to ensure the relationship stays healthy and stable.
I'm lost and confused. I want to be with this girl, and i'm willing to kill myself (emotionally/mentally) until that chance comes. I'm trying to stay busy and I'm sure she is too., im trying to stay busy as i'm sure she is too.
Do you have any relationship advice that will be helpful? Can you help me to relax a little more, especially when the fear kicks in?
I truly love her and have never met someone who just naturally helps me be a better person. I don't want to lose her because I know that in your lifetime, you are very lucky when you find such a person and should never let it go.