Wanting, Waiting, Anticipating

by Laura Turnley
(Gig Harbor)

People say that when one door closes another one opens ... right?

Well, for me, when my door slammed shut, I waited patiently for the next to open, but it never did.

I have known this boy for a while now and we are good friends. When I first met him, he was so shy, he wouldn't talk to anyone. I personally thought it was cute. But later we both became taken, me with my boyfriend and him with his girlfriend. It was all perfectly good the way it was. In the relationship I was in, my boyfriend fell head over heels for me, but I cant exactly say the same thing. I have never loved, so I don't know what it feels like to actually love, same thing for this boy. His relationship was with one of my good friends, so I kept my mouth shut about how I felt about him. No one knew anything, not even my BEST FRIEND ... I felt like if I kept it all in, it would just go away, eventually; not the case.

Being friends with this boy, we hung out like usual. Then one night, I was extremely bored at home. We had been texting each other, so I knew that he was awake. I came up with the bright idea of him coming to pick me up, after I snuck out of my house. He said that was fine, but he wanted his girlfriend to come too. That was fine with me, so he picked me up successfully (without me getting caught) and we proceeded to his girlfriend's house, but when we got there she had fallen asleep and neither of us could get her up. I knocked on her window and he did too, still didn't work. So, we left and we thought we could have plenty of fun without her being there (not that kind of fun). Sadly, we couldn't find anything to do, we were driving and chatting for what seemed like forever. We would stop at a stoplight or a stop sign and we would pick a random way to go, as long as we remembered how to get back. We were listening to a CD that he had made, a mix with all sorts of nifty songs on it. For each song I would get really excited and say "You have no idea how much i LOVE this song!!" and he would either say "My girlfriend (but he would use her actual name) likes this song too" or "Really?! My girlfriend absolutely hates this song."

So we got to talking about things we liked and things we weren't so fond of. They seemed to be pretty close or exactly the same, about everything, even sexual stuff. Mind you, this boy has only been with one girl in his life, and that's his current girlfriend. He said that he always wanted to know what it was like to be with another girl. I was perfectly fine to do stuff with him just to see what it was like, but he didn't want to cheat on her, which makes perfect sense: he didn't want the same thing to happen to him. So we just talked about how life was for us and random stuff like that. When he brought me home, we sat in his car talking for like 2 hours, the temptation to kiss him was completely unbearable! But, he doesn't cheat, and I am okay with that. I went inside and life went on as it should.

The next night we did the same thing, and the same thing happened with his girlfriend. Both of us were a little frustrated with her, because he drove all the way out to her house and she was asleep! So this time we went to a little trail that was right across the street from a police station (what a smart place to go!). We sat in his car and talked some more (as you can tell, I LOVE talking!), talking with him was amazing. And by this time, I was starting to redirect my feelings towards my current boyfriend to this boy, NOT A GOOD THING!! Finally, he said "Would you mind at all if i kissed you?", a COMPLETE shocker to me, and exciting at the same time!!! We both leaned in and started making out (by the way he is an AMAZING kisser!). Right after we stopped, a cop pulls up with a blinding light on us and walks over to the car.

"Anything wrong here?" he asked us.

"No sir, we are just catting up a storm," I replied. He shined his light in the backseat and saw the boy's welding helmet chilling there. He asked the boy "You a welder?" and they got into a conversation. I tried to keep up with what they were saying, but I guess that the cop used to be a welder too; they were using all of these odd terms that I had never heard of before and I didn't understand half of what they were saying. "Okay, well you two should go to somewhere more open, just trying to help 'cause i know plenty of cops drive by here and I'm pretty sure they will stop and talk to you too," the cop said as he turned his light off and walked back to his car.

So we left, and went to a Fred Meyer parking lot, hey, it's more open! He parked and turned on the music again, we got to talking and the conversation was about tattoos. I was totally oblivious to the fact that he had 3, so being the curious person that I am, I wanted to see them. Number one, a Buck's head on his thigh (because he hunts), Number two, a ... well, I don't remember what it is, but it's on his back on his shoulder blade, Number three, a skull with an anaconda on his bicep. While I was checking out the last tattoo, I looked at him and he looked at me, and we started making out, again. He told me that I was a better kisser than his girlfriend is (shhhhh.. don't tell anyone!) and that he would date me if he could. That raised my spirits considerably!! He took me home at the correct time and all was well, as long as we kept this our little secret.

Well, for about 2-3 weeks we have been hanging out, not just at night, with me sneaking out, like him coming over to my house and chilling. He treats me like we are already going out when people who will open their mouths aren't around. Holding my hand, cuddling while we watch a movie or TV, calling me babe, cutie, and sweetie, the whole SHABANG!! He continually tells me and hints that we are going to go out, eventually.

Just recently, I held up my side of it, I finally got the balls to break up with my boyfriend for good (it was a bad relationship anyway), but he told me that he was going to break up with this girlfriend too. Yet, nothing of the sort has happened. I am still waiting, sadly!

OH!! There is a third side to this story!! My BEST FRIEND, decided to make out with him too. It didn't bother me at all or that he said that she was a better kisser than both his girlfriend and I, I already knew that fact (yes, I have made out with her, truth or dare game, long story). But, at a party last weekend, I guess he got really drunk and was trying to get with my BEST FRIEND, that's the part that hurts me. My BEST FRIEND has a nicer body than I do, she is very petite, and I know that lots of guys like that! And her being a better kisser than I am doesn't exactly contribute any good points to my side. I am 100% positive that my BEST FRIEND would not date this boy right now, she has many boy issues of her own!! She still will make out with him and everything, that doesn't bother me one bit (who wouldn't ... he is an amazing kisser!)

Well, I guess his girlfriend, my friend, got HELLA pissed at me because I sent him a picture of me in a bra and underwear. I had to make up this whole story about how I really didn't mean to send that picture to him. That made me feel really really really bad because I don't lie to my friends EVER, but I really needed to cover my ass and this boys ass as well!

So yeah, that is my story about my crush..
I'm so sorry if you fell asleep a couple times while reading it...