What if it's different

I knew it was him, when i walked into my English class to see him smiling at me. I got lost in his eyes, blushed, and stuttered when I tried talking to him, a different feeling to ones I normally feel when I see a guy swept over me.

We got close after a few months; I mean really close and then he went out with a friend of mine. My world came crashing down. All she would do was talk about him. It was annoying. I could literally feel my heartbreaking.

After a few days they split up and I thought to myself 'right, I'm gunna move on, I can do better'.

I went out shopping with my best mate and bumped into these really cute guys. I left the mall that day with an MSN addy and a phone number from one of them. Perfect. After a few weeks I found myself in a relationship with him although I'd only seen him once. He was already trying to make it serious. He was a year or so older then me; it was moving too fast but I was too scared to dump him because I was scared to be on my own again. That's when I went back to the dude from my English class for advice and he comforted me and helped me. He said I shouldn't be with someone if I'm not happy with them. He said he was worried about what the older guy might try and do to me.

I dumped the older guy, it was the best thing I ever did, I guess. A few days later I was going out with the person I had wanted to for months, and I was well and truly in love with him...nothing could change that. We talk about anything and we we're never apart. He said he wanted to be with me forever and he loved me, he said I was beautiful and that I was perfect.

Then when he left me he said 'I can't do this, I can't hurt you. You've done nothing wrong'. But he left me for one of my 'friends'. He said he still loved me but it wasn't fair on me to let the relationship carry on.

I changed as a person. After that all of my feelings were left locked up inside my heart, never moving, never changing. I cried myself to sleep every night just wishing he would see sense. My 'friend' dumped him and he know says he loves me and misses me but I don't know what to do. I never stopped loving him, he never stopped loving me but I don't know if I can do it again. I was just starting to get over him when I found out. A friend of his told me, it was pouring down with rain and pitch black luckily the rain hid my tears. And it was true and I've got everything going on at once. I try and stay away from him but it doesn't work, I love him more then anything.

It might sound stupid but you really just don't know.