Why does he send mixed signals?

I have known this guy for about a year now. We go to school together, we don't usually hang out alone but have some common friends so we hang out when the group does or we see each other on campus.

He is not the same year as me and I am mainly only friends with the people from my year. So my first sign that he was interested in me was just the fact that he went out of his way to befriend me since I do not play sports with the other boys, or take classes with him. But he would say hi when I passed him in the halls before we actually became friends.

He was also the TA for one of my classes and I happened to invite him to something one of my friends was having and he couldn't make it to that party, but invited me to a party for the next weekend. That is when we really started being friends, and we would have longer conversations and were a lot friendlier when we would see each other, and then eventually my friends and his friends became friends and we would all hang out together.

It went on like this for most of the semester with subtle clues that he liked me, but he never actually asked me out. Then there was one night where we all went out and he danced with me and only me the whole night. It was a memorable night, and it wasn't me dancing on him, he definitely initiated all the touching and dancing that night.

So when we left that night I thought he would definitely say something. But nothing. Also, since it was then summer we didn't see each other or talk for 2 months during break which confused me because he definitely seemed into me that night.

The next time I did see him, he acted weird. But I couldn't tell if he was mad at me, or embarrassed, but either way our friendly dynamic had changed and it wasn't the same; it was pretty awkward. So we did end up going out as a group shortly after seeing him again, and I felt like he was talking to all of the other guys in the group except me.

But, it was ok later and we did have fun again and we were dancing with each other that night again. But, then again no call to go out. So, I finally initiated and asked him to lunch which isn't really a date but at least it gave us a chance to be alone.

So we went, and it was a bit awkward at first, kind of first-date like. But it was an ok lunch, but then even after that he still has never asked me to do anything with him. He has told me a couple of times that he goes out to lunch on Fridays, and I'm not sure if that was his way of seeing if I would want to go with him. But, he has never flat out asked me to go anywhere alone.

What was more frustrating was that one of his friends would subtly try and find out if I liked him, but neither of us were up front with each other about how we felt and I could not bring myself to bring it up for fear of rejection, I think.

Let me add that he is finishing up graduate school so is busy finishing his thesis, and I also was finishing my thesis so we do not have much time to socialize. Also, he is taking a job in a foreign country next year so not sure if that had to do with his decision to not ask me out?

I really have strong feelings for this guy, and wish I had the nerve to tell him how I felt. I think if I saw him with another girl I would know he's not interested in me like that, but I don't see that either.

So either way I cannot figure out if he is shy, not interested or a combination of both. Or just doesn't know how to talk to girls. Please help me figure out why guys insist on sending mixed signals if they have no intention of acting on them.

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Aug 19, 2009
by: Anonymous

Have you heard the saying, "He's just not that into you?" I am not trying to be harsh, but it sounds that way or he doesn't have the balls to ask you out.

If you want to get this over with and out of your head, tell him straight up how you feel and ask if it is mutual.

If not, BIG deal. Sure, rejection sucks but at least you can get some clarity and move on. And who knows, maybe you are sending him mixed signals and this will turn into a "happily ever after" ending.

Good Luck!

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